Don't Go In the Woods, Unless You're a Nozzle, Then, Please, Go In

As the 1970's turned into the 1980's The Man was still trying to tell us what to do. Don't Go In the House, Don't Go In The Bathroom...

Don't Go In the Woods. Listen, ugly is a good word to describe this movie. These people are ugly. Nobody cares if they die. Plus, they don't listen.

Uhh, did you get that last part about the woods?

Speekin zee English?

How about now? I feel like going into the woods might be a good idea.

I'm just going to go into the woods for a while. Anyone want to go with me?

The woods are a little stabby lately, I think I'll just go for a swim. D'oh.

Best thing about the 2012 remake of Don't Go In the Woods? It will be your pleasure to see every one of these Guantanamo Bays die. of course by the end of it you'll wish you'd gone in the woods, but that's your headache, not mine. 

February 21, 2013 update: I think I mixed pictures from the original version of this movies and some crappy remake from 2012, but none of this really bothers me very much I'm just updating the blog to resize the text. 

January 25, 2015: I used to do a lot more picture to text in my blogs. I actually didn't see either version of this movie and have no idea why I blogged about it when there's about 10,000 movies I did see.

May 22, 2018. Looks like I wrote this blog after I read that Google loves lots of pictures. I saw this picture today on Night Flight's Facebook page. 452 shares. Zombielogic's Incredibly Brief Movie reviews was a good idea that was poorly executed, and what I should have been doing is longer reviews of movies I actually cared about.  

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Humongous (1982): Zombielogic's Incredibly Brief Movie Reviews

Humongous is a 1982 horror film which receives a 3.3 star rating out of ten at IMDB. It's either completely deserving or undeserving of that rating based on how you feel about this photo...

Humongous begins on Labour Day 1946

A bad photo, you say? Nope. Not really. This is what most of the movie looks like. I can tell you something interesting and horrible occurs in the setting depicted in this picture, but if you watch Humongous, you're not going to see most of it. If soft focus and darkness doesn't bother you, let's proceed...

Humongous movie poster

Mostly accurate. Something is loose in this movie. I'll divulge this: Humongous is a movie in the forsaken, desolate, derelict places genre. If that is a genre at all. To me it is, and in that genre movies like The Shining and Session 9 are two of the best examples, but I've recently discovered lesser gnown gems like Ghostkeeper, Warlock Moon, and Screams Of a Winter Night. This movie has the added bonus derelict places features of...

Typical muddied shot from the movie

Being shot on an actual island, and an island in Canada. They could have shot it in the director's apartment for all you'll know because you can't see any of it, which will be simultaneously frustrating, but somewhat fascinating in the sense that you'll never come away from this place with a clear picture of what just happened. I actually kind of like that and think it adds something to a pretty interesting movie. 

Gratuitous boobies...

Humongous Descending a Staircase. In sum, a unique movie (or else I wouldn't have bothered). Frustrating as hell to watch, but worth it for real horror fans.

More Zombielogic's Incredibly Brief Movie Reviews

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Drive In Massacre Is a Cult Classic That Kills

Drive In Massacre is a 1977 film that gets 2.5 stars on IMDB. It's a little better than that, but not much. Regardless of the rating, fans of low budget horror know that bad reviews and low ratings have nothing to do with how much fun a B movie can be. This one has good moments. 

And by "it" we mean...

This. The kill scenes aren't too shabby if that's your thing. It's not mine, but they're not too shabby.

So, believe it or not, these two schlubs are the detectives assigned to solve the case of the Drive In murders.  When I first saw these two losers I figured they had to have put up a lot of money to produce the movie because they don't look they could solve anything but a case of lost Ex Lax (and I don't even know what that means). Who dunnit?

Was it this weird dude who I think they call Germy who works at the drive in, or 

This Anton Levey looking dumbfuck? Or some third guy with a pink shirt and white belt looking more like a modern hipster than any hipster I know but I can't find a picture of him so you'll have to take my word for it?

Who cares, because this just in... the red stuff on your hot dog might not even be ketchup. Drive In Massacre, pretty good, with some interesting but stupid characters, dumb-ass looking cops who look like serious perverts, and I forgot who the killer was.

You can find Drive In Massacre in this highly recommended boxed set for less than twenty bucks.

March 29, 2013: I'd love to watch this movie again tonight. 

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