The Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires Soundtrack LP

I had watched several movies directed by Roy Ward Baker before it finally registered with me that this guy was becoming one of my favorite directors.

I wasn't seeking his movies out because his name was attached to them. It happened backward. I kept watching British horror movies I liked and eventually noticed the same name appearing in the credits.

The Monster Club. Asylum. And Now the Screaming Starts!. The Vault of Horror. Five Million Years to Earth.

There was something about the look of these movies that I kept responding to. Baker could make relatively modest productions feel atmospheric and substantial, and he was particularly good at the sort of colorful, slightly lurid British horror that I apparently could watch forever.

His career was much larger than the horror films through which I discovered him. He had been directing movies since the 1940s and worked extensively in British film and television, including A Night to Remember, his acclaimed 1958 account of the sinking of the Titanic. But by the late 1960s and 1970s he had become associated with exactly the sort of movies I was gradually collecting and obsessing over: Hammer horror, Amicus anthologies, vampires, crypts, monsters and Peter Cushing.

Which brings me, naturally, to records.

While looking through Baker's filmography I discovered that there is a soundtrack album for The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires, the gloriously unlikely Hammer/Shaw Brothers kung-fu vampire movie he directed in 1974.

There is a Seven Golden Vampires soundtrack?

Holy stromboli. I'll be back in a few minutes.

Oh yes. It exists.

And Peter Cushing narrates it.

This is how collecting works. You begin by attempting to learn something about a film director and fifteen minutes later you're shopping for an LP narrated by Peter Cushing.

Then I discovered something else I apparently needed: the Dawn of the Dead soundtrack featuring Goblin's music from the Dario Argento-associated European version of the film.

There is a Seven Brothers Meet Dracula soundtrack? Holy stromboli, I'll be back in a few minutes...

Oh yes, it exists.  And with Peter Cushing narrating none the less. I found out this also exists...

,

Dawn of the Dead original movie soundtrack by Dario Argento and Goblin. My record collection could be up to as many as three by Halloween. Perhaps four, if...

Yes

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The Monster Club Is The Best Movie Soundtrack of the 1980's

The 1980's were the golden era of movie soundtracks. So many classic soundtracks. Footloose, Top Gun, The Lost Boys, Ghostbusters, Purple Rain. All in all the 1980's were about 674% more Kenny Logginsey than most Americans would have preferred, at least in retrospect. But none of these are even close to being my favorite soundtrack of the Reaganomics decade. My favorite soundtrack of the 1980's comes from a little known horror movie most people have never seen. 

Take equal parts reggae, punk, ska, new wave, rock, and a killer side two composed by John Williams (yes, THAT John Williams), Strauss, Stravinski, and my favorite electronica track by Alan Hawkshaw, "Ghouls Galore," which accompanies the final and spookiest ghouls story, and you have the recipe for the best movie soundtrack of the 80's.

The songs one side one are varied and all guaranteed to stick in your head. My favorite is the tongue in cheek "Sucker For Your Love" performed by B.A. Robertson, who later composed songs with Mike Rutherford of Genesis, including the song "Silent Running." I once read an article where Donnie Iris and his songwriting partner had accused B.A. Roberston of lifting one of their songs, but since it wasn't "Sucker For Your Love" I didn't care.

The Pretty Things are a rather legendary British band whose career arc somewhat resembles Spinal Tap in that they moved equally successfully in pop, blues, and rock circles. Although they never achieved great success at any one time, their longevity has made them a favorite of many music aficionados. They still perform to this day and their titular performance here is magnificent.

During the stripper sequence you see here, singer Sevie Vann of the band Night peels the paint from the walls with her knockout voice. She was born in Rhodesia and sand backup for many groups and performers, including Def leppard, UFO, Manfred Mann, Wham, Tears For Fears, and Ray Charles. A varied list to be sure, but with pipes like that who's going to question why?

The band The Viewers belts out "Monsters Rule O.K.," a straight forward and satisfying rock song. I don't know much about this band, but like the other bands included in this soundtrack they were no fly-by-night operation either. There are no clunkers on this album. throw in a reggae performance by U.B. and you have a compilation too diverse and interesting to not at least give a listen to. But beware, The Monster Club is one of the rarest and most valuable soundtracks of all time, so you'll probably just have to watch the movie or listen to the songs on You Tube. But you should.

"Sucker For Your Love"

I love this review of The Monster Club soundtrack

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Night Train To Terror Derails Spectacularly

Let me tell you something about the 1985 load of shit anthology story movie Night Train To Terror: if more load of shit hundred million dollar budget movies had as much good shit in them as this piece of shit I'd watch those pieces of shit, because by load of shit I only mean AWESOME when describing Night Train To Terror. I don't even know if I can get all this good shit into a review this short. Let me try. The wrap-around premise of this steamer is that God and Satan are on a train haggling over souls. Then a dance number breaks out. Apparently there's a refugee break dancin', pastel wearin', bad 80's music playin' troupe of mental patient escapees in one of the car who's souls God apparently thinks are worth saving (despite the visual evidence) and Satan thinks the whole Universe can (correctly) do without.

God, played by Ferdy Mayne of the 256 IMDB credits and the face you know you know you know but where do you know it from and  Satan, played by some double douche, haggle over...

This dicksmack, who you will instantly despise and want dead, but God says no, so we have to watch the entire damn movie. This actor is Byron Yordan who ended up having less IMDB listings than I do, and I can't act for shit if that gives you an idea of how much you will want him dead just from these interstitial bits. But on to the stories.

Those are Richard Moll's, Bull from Night Court's, hands about to do some booby squeezin'. He's in all the stories I think trying to pretend like it's not the same actor. A sure sign of a high quality production. He dies in this story, but he comes back later as another character. 

Richard Moll, who I found out is a devout Mormon (is there any other kind?) does some foul shit in this first story. I think this clinic is harvesting parts. He likes to bang up the chicks first then dismember them. 

Then this munch returns and after you have to sit through the second musical number you'll not only see it Satan's way, you'll consider converting to The Church of Satan to help make that happen, but mercifully you'll be saved by the second story.

About a society of smacks who get their rocks off by cheating death. Or not. As this dude finds out. He didn't look like at the beginning of the scene. But he goes through a Jimi Hendrix electrocution metamorphosis that it's kind of groovy. Other people die in the second story, then, ya, you know...

Back it up, back it up, I just found this. Before and after . You get the idea.

Monkey face. Probably turned out to be a councilor working with troubled teens in Modesto so I'll feel bad but dude I just can't deal with you.

Just when you want to put your head in the microwave you get this cocksucker to deal with. He's a NAZI demon vampire guy who likes to kill chicks (but don't they all?). Story three is bizarro. Bull comes back.

There's an insanely cheesy but unbelievably cool stop motion interlude out of nowhere, then

The train crashes.

Jewish character actor God guy intervenes. And (you guessed it)...

These human artifacts return to finish off whatever will to live you have left.

Listen, more shit than even happens in this movie. It's insane. It's terrible. It's probably criminal. But it's AWESOME.

March 29, 2013: I have an entire weekend with no plans and no real tasks to watch as many crummy movies as I can. If I can find The Brotherhood of Satan that will be first on my list, followed by Class Reunion Massacre, and Mansion of the Living Dead. But Night Train To terror is on the short list for another watching. 

December 2,2014: Night Train To Terror Soundtrack released on vinyl.

I never realized that the soundtrack to Night Train To Terror had actually been released as a 500 copy limited edition in 1985 on the Vinegar Syndrome label.  I have to buy this now. I believe it has also been recently -re-released in vinyl. The things that people don't forget amaze me, but I saw for sale on Ebay last night a Dark Night of the Scarecrow Halloween mask. 

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