Eight Strangest Popsicle Flavors

Some years ago I decided I wanted to paint for a while. Many of my friends are visual artists, and no one reads poetry. So I bought some canvases and acrylic paints at the art supply store, and I sat there trying to decide what it was I was even capable of painting. I settled on coming up with a series of Popsicles. The worst, most revolting flavors I could think of, then I tried to create colors that would represent those terrible fluids. I eventually painted 8 different canvases, and called the Poopsicles. I'm not going to put the original titles on those here because most of them were too disgusting for a mixed audience. I can probably get away with saying this first one was originally titled "Tim Russert's Thrombosis," and I thought that was pretty funny, until I had emergency heart surgery and now deal with the very real everyday threat of internal bleeding or blood clots. 

1) Tim Russert's Thrombosis

2) John Holmes

There was more to the title of this Poopsicle, but I'm not going to say it here

. 

3) Jenna Jameson

The title of this was what Jenna Jameson did in an audition before she became famous. 

4) The Turd That Killed Elvis

Elvis died on the throne. 

5) Vic Tayback's Toe Jam

Unlike most of the others, Vic Tayback's Toe Jam was the original title of this painting. I probably even tried to look up toe jam on the internet. What I did learn seemed more interesting. I learned early in the Zodiac Killer investigation, actor Vic Tayback was considered one of the leading suspects.

6) Oprah Winfrey's Vajayjay

I spent the most time on this one, pushing around small piles of acrylic paint to create the walls and folds of a woman's vagina. Charts and graphs were consulted. I took this seriously.

7) Garbage Dumpster Juice

I had to drive back to the apartment to take a picture of the last two Poopsicle Popsicles. This was the first one I painted. The juice at the bottom of a garbage dumpster in an alley behind four restaurants after Saturday night seemed like one of the most disgusting  things I could think of.



8) Jesse Garon Presley

I hated this even as I was painting it. The twin Popsicle sort of lent itself to this concept, but in concept and execution I dislike this piece. I need to do a couple more Poopsicles to replace the two I don't think are all that interesting. 

.

Pin It

Was Vic Tayback The Zodiac Killer

Was Vic Tayback the Zodiac Killer?

Was actor Vic Tayback of the sitcom Alice fame the Zodiac Killer? We know he was one of several suspects in the early days of the investigation, along with other celebrities like Christopher Walken and Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys, but is it possible there was a Hollywood celebrity moonlighting as a serial killer in Northern California during the late 60's and early 70's? Many experts think so. In my ongoing Poopsicles painting series I investigate whether or not an actor of Tayback's stature could have committed these ingenious crimes. The Zodiac Killer was never caught and his identity never discovered. Many people still believe to this day that it might have been Vic Tayback.

Pin It

The Turd That Killed Elvis

From my celebrated and almost universally ignored series of Poopsicle paintings, I humbly present...

The Turd That Killed Elvis

Elvis Presley died at Graceland on August 16, 1977, at the age of 42.

He was found unresponsive on the bathroom floor after apparently having been sitting on the toilet. This unfortunate detail has become such a permanent part of Elvis mythology that, somewhere along the way, the story was simplified into the considerably more memorable version that Elvis died taking a shit.

The actual circumstances were considerably less amusing.

By the final years of his life, Elvis was in terrible health. He suffered from numerous medical problems and was taking an extraordinary assortment of prescription medications. His death was officially attributed to cardiac causes, although the precise contribution of his medications and other health problems has been debated ever since.

There is, however, another particularly unpleasant piece of Elvis lore.

He reportedly suffered from severe chronic constipation and had significant problems with his colon. This has led to speculation that straining during a bowel movement may have contributed to the cardiac event that killed him.

Which means the legendary Turd That Killed Elvis probably didn't actually kill Elvis.

But it may have been present at the scene.

And that's good enough for art.

The Turd That Killed Elvis

From the Poopsicle Series

Other paintings in the Poopsicle series

Vic Tayback Was the Zodiac Killer

Oprah Winfrey's Pussy

.

Pin It