Some years ago I decided I wanted to paint for a while. Many of my friends are visual artists, and no one reads poetry. So I bought some canvases and acrylic paints at the art supply store, and I sat there trying to decide what it was I was even capable of painting. I settled on coming up with a series of Popsicles. The worst, most revolting flavors I could think of, then I tried to create colors that would represent those terrible fluids. I eventually painted 8 different canvases, and called the Poopsicles. I'm not going to put the original titles on those here because most of them were too disgusting for a mixed audience. I can probably get away with saying this first one was originally titled "Tim Russert's Thrombosis," and I thought that was pretty funny, until I had emergency heart surgery and now deal with the very real everyday threat of internal bleeding or blood clots.
1) Tim Russert's Thrombosis
2) John Holmes
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There was more to the title of this Poopsicle, but I'm not going to say it here . |
3) Jenna Jameson
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The title of this was what Jenna Jameson did in an audition before she became famous. |
4) The Turd That Killed Elvis
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Elvis died on the throne. |
5) Vic Tayback's Toe Jam
6) Oprah Winfrey's Vajayjay
I spent the most time on this one, pushing around small piles of acrylic paint to create the walls and folds of a woman's vagina. Charts and graphs were consulted. I took this seriously. |
7) Garbage Dumpster Juice
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