I Made Dumb Things Today and Now I'm Going To Watch Vault of Horror and Drink a Final Cup of Tea

I made dumb things today and now I'm going to celebrate the dumb things I made by showing them to you and drinking a final cup of tea while I watch Vault of Horror. Then I'm going to go to Outsider Poetry and write a posy titled Outlaw Poetry emanates from Yul Brynner's crotch. 

The man in the first story of Vault of Horror has just been served a glass of blood he believes to be tomato juice after traveling to a remote village of vampires to kill his sister after their father dies. She returns to the restaurant later to partake of a glass of his blood after he is tapped like a beer barrel. One of the vampires says "A good year," which seems kind of funny. 

Gap-toothed British funnyman Terry-Thomas stars in the second story as a domineering jackass who bullies his wife until she buries a clawhammer in his skull and stores his parts meticulously in jars in the basement. Both stories I have described are far more tongue in cheek than gruesome, although when described they sound bloody and violent.

I see on the other screen, a television, i am also watching The Omega Man. I have a similar living arrangement to The Omega Man in that I live in an apartment above the third most dangerous neighborhood in America. Last night there were high speed polic chases and an ambulance showed up another time to cart someone away that was sitting on the bus stop bench under my window. 

Today in the mail I received Super Mario Kart, but I haven't gotten the generic clone game system I ordered so i can play it with Jack. 

The days are so fast I can't possibly apprehend them or even make a concentrated effort to describe what is happening. For him these days are going slowly because in the Psychology of Perception i learned youth seems very long and eventful because time to us is really the space between novel experiences. I can't wait for her to bury that claw hammer in this jerk's head so we can get to the Dr. Who story.

I left the design components I alluded to in the title on the other computer, the one I am watching Vault of Horror on. 

Did you see that Cubs game tonight? They are 8-1 now. When they resigned Dexter Fowler a couple of weeks before Spring Training I didn't think much of it because he didn't exactly blow the roof off my doors last season, but he's off to a roaring start, and with the Kyle Schwarber injury his return seems like a genius move. 

We reloaded the book of Outlaw Poetry we've been editing, The Blood Dark Sea, onto the BookMobile preflight apparatus, and if we approve the changes we made tomorrow I hear it could arrive by April 22nd. Actually, that is kind of a gruesome ending with the hammer and the body parts, but it's all in good fun.

Terry-Thomas really earned every ounce of this fate

I forgot the magic rope story comes before the Tom Baker story. It's a good one, too, and a cautionary tale not to "appropriate" the work of others. 

So, let me recap: time flies, Cubs, Omega Man, Dr. Who, Yul Brynner's crotch, goodnight

2026 Update..... ten years later, and pretty much what I still do with my life. I make dumb things and watch bad horror movies. 

Pin It

National Poetry Month Day 10: The Next Generation

Jenny uploaded the files of our latest Zombie Logic Press book, The Blood Dark Sea, to the printers database Friday afternoon, so it seems like barring any unforseen issues we'll be going to print next week. This will be the third book of someone else's I will have published. This book differs from my own poetry, and the other two I've published in that it is more of an Outlaw Poetry book. It's a genre I'm certainly familiar with, having come along during the last days of the small press revolution, where almost everyone wrote in a style vaguely imitative of Charles Bukowski, but what sets this book apart is the humor. I think it's going to turn out great. 

Will I ever finish another book of my own poetry? I have no idea. Google says these shorter blog posts are killing my search rankings. I need to find ways to get to 400 words. 

I could talk about Star Trek: The Next Generation on BBC America on Saturday night. It just started. Looks like a young Riker, so I'm guessing one of the earlier seasons.

Back to National Poetry Month. Oh, now Commander Data is sitting in the captain's chair. Wesley Crusher. He was one of the successful early celebrity bloggers. He also writes a lot about mental health issues. As do I. I am not, however, a successful early celebrity blogger. It has been quite a struggle. I have written for years about poetry, horror movies, politics, sports, and dozens of other issues, but nothing ever seems to find a larger audience. I now use my blog more of an extension of my memory as much as a device to communicate with others or reach a wider audience. 

All this cyber space is free. I suppose for a couple of weeks I should concentrate on writing longer, more focused pieces and see how Google likes that. I was right, season 2, episode 8. Riker is exchanged for a Clingon and things get testy between the Enterprise and the Clingon vessel. 

We went to Arby's for date night on Wednesday and I ordered a vanilla shake, then was slightly disappointed when I saw they had a mint shake available. I did enjoy my angus sandwich. They have the meats. 

The Cubs have started the season 4-1. I personally believed they should have traded Kyle Scwarber during the off season because he belongs in the American League. I think they will find a way to win without him, but what a disappointment to get hurt in the third game of the season. 

Miles O'Brien. A lot of early characters I remember but haven't seen in a long time. 

I don't think I'll ever get a Vista Cruiser Pin It

How I Failed In My Quest To Get a Haircut

Listening to Coast To Coast A.M. for the first time in a couple of years. I used to listen all the time when Art Bell was the host, and even for a while when George Nouri became the host. But several years ago it just seemed like it became a four hour commercial for liars to sell their latest lies. 

I'm having my final cup of tea for the night and quickly realizing I have nothing to say. Anonymous released a bunch of Donald Trump's private information today after declaring war on the candidate last week. Now both democrats, Republicans, and Anonymous are in an all out battle with Donald Trump and his followers. And still losing. 

I tried to get a haircut today and failed. The older gentleman I've been going to for several years wasn't in his shop today. We usually talk about the Cubs and a little bit about politics and for some reason his time in the military, but he wasn't there today. I have been expecting for some time now to find he has retired. So, I remembered this younger fellow had tried to open up a shop close by and I wandered over there, but found it was gone. So I wandered home. But on the way I saw yet a third barber shop had opened up. It was a combination barber shop and something else. I'm not sure what. Maybe curiosities. They were listening to Irishy music when I came in and looked surprised anyone else in the Universe existed. They were hipster kids, and I asked them the same question I always ask my regular barber: "Got time for a cut?"

The question seemed like a formality to me being as though it was a barber shop and I didn't see anyone else there. but they just stared at me as if I had three heads, then one of them spoke. "We only do appointments. Would you like to make an appointment?"

No, I didn't want to make an appointment. I wanted you to ask me to sit down in the empty chair you had there and cut my hair, because that's kind of how doing business works. I wish them well selling the box of old LP records they had, and I hope their taste in music gets a little better, but I don't hold out much hope for any of that to happen.




Pin It

Three Things I Want To Believe In

I'm about as cynical and pessimistic as it gets. I'm like Mikey in that old Life cereal commercial. I think everything is fake and it's all bad and no matter what any of does we're doomed. But this summer three different things are giving me hope. There are three things I really want to believe in.

I want to believe that the Chicago Cubs have a chance to win the World Series after 107 years. Not only this year, but for many years to come. As I write this I am watching the Cubs play the White Sox after having won 6 straight games, and 13 out of 14 games. I have to admit after the All Star break when the Phillies swept the Cubs I thought to myself "Here we go again, this team just isn't ready or good enough to make it to the playoffs." Then after they started to gain some momentum in Colorado and beat the hell out of the Pirates, Giants, and Brewers I started to really believe. For forty years I've had Cardinal and White Sox fans taunt me over being a Cub fan. Nothing in this world would be sweeter than to see the Cubs dash off a decade where they won five or six World Series. And with the 4th rated minor league system and a network in place in countries like Cuba, Venezuela, and the Dominican Republic, not to mention mountains of free agent money to spend, I think the future has finally arrived for Cub fans.

Bernie Sanders. I can count the times I've walked into a polling booth and exited feeling really good about who I just voted for on one hand. I even felt betrayed by Obama's first administration and voted for Jill Stein in protest in 2012. Even though Bill Clinton was two of those votes, I've never been excited about feeling I had to vote for Hillary Clinton. I can't quite put my finger on it because I know we have quite a lot in common politically, and it's not because she's a woman (see above), but I've never wanted to feel Hillary Clinton was my only choice. When Bernie Sanders announced his candidacy for President I was excited, nit because I believed he had any chance to win, but because it now gave me an alternative, at least in the primary, even though in Illinois the nomination is usually sewn up by the time we vote. I get the Bernie Buzz in my email, and have been for many years, so I was more amused that he decided to run that seriously engaged, but the past couple of months have given me hope that Americans are ready for change. To address the issues of wealth and income equality, racism, sexism, corporate power, and the militarization of our police forces. This week when it was reported that he has taken a lead in the polls in New Hampshire, and that Elizabeth Warren was considering coming out in support of him, I just felt overwhelmed. For once I feel like I want to put my energy and faith behind this candidate. If Warren were to be placed on the ticket as Vice President I just believe we've never seen anything like that in American history. 

The third thing is the Outsider Poetry I have been working on, and poetry in general. The Downtown area where I live is experiencing a Renaissance, and part of that is the arts community. This Fall I will be part of several show at Fall Art Scene, and I have published two books by Rockford writers. Publishing the work of other people has been a real blessing to me and gives me a sense of purpose in the literary community. I have started two separate publications to promote Outsider Poetry, or writing by those who exist and create outside of the norms of culture die to mental illness, being self-trained, or simply having chose no to conform. The one I just stared is called Outsider Poetry Magazine, and the one I have been working on is simply called Outsider Poetry.

Pin It