Squonk

The Squonk is more a parable and cautionary tale for children about the dangers of self-pity than an actual crytpid, but in the lonely forests of northern Pennsylvania, the pitiable Squonk was born into legend in the late 19th century. The legend holds that the creature's skin is ill-fitting, and covered with warts and other blemishes, and so it hides from plain sight and spends much of its time weeping. Hunters who have attempted to catch squonks have found that the creature is capable of evading capture by dissolving completely into a pool of tears and bubbles when cornered.

Squonk

Sad, sad Squonk.  The Squonk is probably the world's ugliest animal. So ugly, in fact, that it spends most of its life crying over its cruel fate. Of course we all know the world's most famous Squonk is...

Phil Collins, lead singer of the prog rock band Genesis, who's 1976 album Trick of the Tail featured the song "Squonk," which contained the lyrics:

He's a sly one, he's a shy one

Wouldn't you be too.

Scared to be left all on his own.

Hasn't a, hasn't a friend to play with, the Ugly Duckling

The pressure on, the bubble will burst before our eyes.

All the while in perfect time

His tears are falling on the ground

BUT IF YOU DON'T STAND UP YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE.

Lonely Squonk. Wallowing in your misery.  But aside from the metaphorical lessons the Squonk teaches us, there is an actual legend of a cryptid called The Squonk in Pennsylvania.

And this rendering is as close to an accurate depiction as any other, as it is speculated the Squonk is a vole-like creature, possibly three inches high, whose paws always appear to be covering its face. It is rumored that if the intensely shy and self-conscious Squonk's friendship can be attained, it possesses marvelous magical abilities such as tracking, scouting, camouflage etc, and its tears are highly sought after by alchemists, who believe them to have magical properties.

Genesis A Trick of the Tail album

All in all you are a very dying race

Placing trust upon a cruel world.

You never had the things you thought you should have had

And you'll not get them now,

And all the while in perfect time

Your tears are falling on the ground.

Squonks

Information from this blog included in the book Supernatural Lore of Pennsylvania.  book https://www.google.com/books/edition/Supernatural_Lore_of_Pennsylvania

More Cryptids

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Hodag

The Hodag is a monster native to and exclusively sighted in Northern Wisconsin, specifically in the city of Rhinelander, where they have the most financial investment in perpetuating the folklore of the strange, fearsome beast. The first Hodag was not only spotted, but actually captured by a local posse spurred on by notorious flim flam man Eugene Shepard. The monster was photographed that day in 1893.

But as any hoaxster who has created a religion out of whole cloth can tell you, sometimes people take you seriously even when you're selling them a shit sandwich, which the local media did, running this story as if it was a legitimate cryptozoological find. Not to let a good lie go uncapitalized upon, Shepard claimed in 1896 to have captured another Hodag, this time a living specimen, and was of course all too willing to display it on the carnival circuit. The exhibit was a good success, until The Smithsonian Institute dispatched a team of scientists to verify the claim, at which time Shepard admitted the hoax. But Christians, Buddhists, Muslims, Mormons, and Scientologists can tell you none of that matters, because once a lie starts turning a profit no amount of truth can extinguish it.

Now, the black Hodag is the most nasty of the Hodag variations

This specimen is about six feet long and three feet at the shoulder. Its primary attack is a gore or a spike with its tail, but some Hodags have been known to resort to using tasers and some have been rumored to possess a noxious breath weapon (save at -2 or be dumbfounded for three rounds). 

This is the extremely rare Stuffed Animal Cave Hodag. Its primary means of attack is to siphon about twenty dollars out of your pocket, maybe more if you hit the gift shop.

Not much more is known about this downright nasty cryptid. On occasion you'll see one outside of a lodge after a few Leinenkugel Fake-Ass Mythical Beast brews sort of feigning a benevolent grin, but I can assure you it's all a clever ruse designed to get you to buy a T shirt.

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