Why I'm Glad I'm Not Charlie Hebdo

Aside from being dead, there are other reasons I'm glad I'm not Charlie Hebdo. The primary one is anonymity. Obscurity. It's perhaps one of the greatest gifts an artist can enjoy. Just being left the fuck alone. I have been toiling, largely in vain, for over twenty-five years to create something people were interested in enough to kill me. In the past five years I have created visual art, appeared in movies, written children's books, poetry books, propaganda, role playing books, screenplays, published other peoples' books, and some things I've probably forgotten about, and if I want anyone to as much as call me an asshole I have to write about something people actually care about here in America, like football. 

Sure, over a million people have read this blog, but none of them have tried to kill me, as far as I know. And that seems like a good thing. If I were going to die, having drawn a cartoon where Allah gets fucked in the ass would be pretty low on my reasons for biting it. 

Mostly I'm just on about Dada. I used to make myself available once a year to fight anyone who had an issue with me in the alley behind the restaurants where I live. I never had any takers. I stopped doing that because I'm on blood thinners now, and even though I'd kick your ass, you might manage to punch me in the nose and I'd probably bleed out like Prince Charles. My point, and I do have one, is I was always aware I had probably pissed someone, somewhere off, and it was possible they might want to seek some form of retribution. You pays your dollar and you takes your chances. I never lived in any fear of that, but I also feel it would have been tone deaf not to realize someone might have felt that way. I don't like Wikipedia editors. 

I guess I wouldn't be too a-scart if a bunch of Wikipedia editors wanted to kill me. For one thing, I doubt they have the mobility to leave their parents' basement in order to track me down. Secondly, I doubt they'd like what they found if they were able to find me. 

But the fact has remained all this time that no one really gives much of a shit what I write, create, say, or do. And that's about as good as it gets. The only time anyone ever gets riled up is when I write about sports. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but you got your blog, I got mine, and I don't have to read yours, and you don't have to read mine. Seems like if everyone could just leave it at that we'd be much better off in this world. Thank you so much for not making me famous and getting me killed. 

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