The head on the TV
Says “There’s something
You can do with a Golden
Globe you can’t with
An Academy award.”
Hollywood legend
Jack Nicholson, wearing
A red, silk robe
Poses in front of the
Mantle of his upstairs
Bedroom. The steely eyes
Of four Oscars and
Perfect reflecting pools
Of six Golden Globes
All beam back that
Devilish profile. “There
Must be something you
Can do with a Golden
Globe you can’t with
An Academy Award,” he muses.
Meanwhile, still in halflites
In the background,
Two Hollywood vixens,
The stars of this year’s
The stars of this year’s
Coming-of-age comedy,
Decorate Jack’s bed.
Their combined ages
Sums less than Jack’s
When he won his first Oscar
For Cuckoo’s Nest.
Jack’s concentration returns
To the business at hand
And that legendary wry smile
Flashes across the billboard
Of his face as he realizes:
“Godammit, the IS something you
Can do with a Golden Globe
You can’t with an Academy Award.”
Cut (and print)
Next shot: the starlets
Have hit their marks expertly,
As if they’ve been doing this forever.
Their perfect asses raised
Invitingly, side by side,
The redhead has a tattoo
Of Betty Boop on the small
Of her back.
Jack kneels between them
Like a charioteer at The Coliseum,
His Oscar for A Few Good Men
In his right hand and
His Golden Globe for As Good As It Gets
Gripped in his left he hoists them
Above his head in a triumphant
Pose, yet Jack’s little Oscar
Remains disinterested.
Jack blames the Academy
For their sycophancy and the
Movie-going public for their
Slobbering adoration, but mostly
He blames the thousands of
Starlets, divas, cheerleaders,
Waitresses, strippers, producer’s wives,
Film students and makeup
Artists for just making it all
Too damn easy and removing
All suspense from the
Surprise ending.
But a mere moment
Before the audience loses
Interest the Master has
A flash of inspired genius:
He’s Al Pacino in Scarface-
He rams the Golden Globe
Into the brunettes pussy
And cunningly eases his
Oscar into the redhead’s ass.
Betty Boop gives him a wink
And they both howl and
Writhe in ecstasy
As Jack’s hands pump
Like a two-fisted gunslinger
Until he screams “Say hello
To my little friends”
And spurts enough genetic
Material to satisfy both
Girl’s inexhaustible hunger.
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