Our Tal' Dorei Campaign, Week Two: Greyskull Keep and Gilmour's Glorious Goods

Little did our party realize as we wrapped up our scrutinization of the murder scene at the estate of the nobleman Kormallis that we were about to be joined by a new member. From out of the sky the Firbolg Druid Large Silent Friend spotted a small dot growing larger and larger, until it was clear to him a very rare Phoenix was approaching rapidly with two riders. As it made its landing on the lawn, the Phoenix exploded into ashes, and the riders introduced themselves. The older, grey-haired gentleman was Professor von Schlezzler, a renowned necromancer and the head of the City Morgue inside the Alabaster Lyceum. But it was the younger, nerdy looking Tiefling that was soon to join us in our increasingly serpentine web of events. Her name was Amaris, and she was both a wizard and an apprentice of von Schlezzler, but an aspiring adventurer and aspirant to a position in the dark arts. The undead falcon that perched upon her shoulder and eyes us all stonily was a clear indication we were dealing someone marching to the beat of her own drum.

Meanwhile, inside the manor, the Fighter Bromm, standing in for the senator Tyronius, asked the servant if she had a key to Kormallis' library. She did, and went to her bedroom where the key was on a chain she retrieved from the bottom of a trunk. Simultaneously to Bromm finding Kormallis' journal in the library. Professor von Schezzler has cast a spell and animated the ghost of Kormallis, who arises and upon being questioned clearly does not realize he is dead. He is of no use and is allowed to go to his final rest.

Von Schlezzler, a seasoned investigator, working in tandem with his pupil, Amaris, soon concluded that Purple Worm poison had been used on Kormallis. This clue was key because Purple Worm poison could only be obtained in two places: The city of Kamil, or Greyskull Keep, the stronghold of the Vox Machina, though they had long ago all but abandoned it to move on to personal pursuits.

It was agreed Spork Fastwhiler would set off on his own to pursue the many leads he now had, including the story of Marshall Ulder Ravenguard, a hero in the battle against Vecna, who may have a very important role in the current murder spree, and the rest of the party would head to Greyskull Keep to determine if anyone had been there recently making an effort to obtain purple worm poison. Professor von Schlezzler gave his protege Amaris a sending stone and instructed her to join the search for evidence and report back with any discoveries we were able to make.

The trek to the lower slums and the Greyskull Keep was uneventful, and we arrived by nightfall. Along the way Pliz'skin, Bromm, and Trog had skads of indelicate questions for the "whore" Torie about her friend Daisy, but made little headway into gaining her trust with their hardboiled methods. However, with her more subtle approach, the hot nerdy wizard Amaris was able to elicit from the street-hardened Torie that Daisy an elf, and that had a mistrust and aversion to the City Watch, even though prostitution is not illegal in Emon. So why was she uneasy around the City Watch? 

Bromm, being Bromm, used his influence to send two underlings back to Syngorn to search for any official records that could shed some light on the Elven refugee. An Elven streetwalker was not a common thing. Something was amiss here. But what? Who was Daisy, and who was she possible working for that got her killed?

Greyskull Keep, home of the Vox Machina. Sort of. 

Arriving finally at the grand and majestic Greyskull Keep, no particular investigative expertise was required to discover the two feet we saw sticking out from under the portcullis. Bromm shouted "I am a representative of the Senator from Syngorn, show yourself," but the feet did not show themselves. We soon discovered why. The third murder victim belonged to those feet. The scene was as grisly as the previous two, and done in the same ritualistic way, except this time it was the tongue that was removed. Trog used his Bloodhunting skills to determine no fiends or fey were involved in the heinous act. 

The party wanted to established a time frame in which the murder had been committed, and noticed neither the torches or brazers appeared to have been lit in days, making it apparent this crime had most likely been committed previous to the other two, which would mean the culprits had come specifically for purple worm poison, and maybe something else. But what? The only way to find out was to enter the keep.

Entering with no resistance and with no indication anyone else was present, we proceeded to a large hall that contained a table with nine chairs, maps, and artifacts we realized could only have belonged to the fabled Vox Machina. This was no doubt their war room. Nothing else in the room was of much interest, except a door to the West whose lock had been broken. 

A Glyph of warding was on the door, and the room beyond had seemingly been entered quite recently judging from the fire damage we witnessed. Apparently just breaking the lock was not the only condition essential for entering this room safely. Yet the ever-determined Monk Plis'skin set to work with his thieves' tools to perhaps disarm any traps, but in the attempt set off the glyph, burning himself badly. He was, however, able to determine the detonation of the fire glyph gave us fifteen seconds to enter the room, which all of us did. Once inside we knew were were in a treasure room worthy of the Vox Machina. Artifacts, potions, scrolls, and weapons of all types were present, including what we recognized as the Sword of Kas, used to defeat Vecna. It was also abundantly clear to us that disturbing any of these artifacts would certainly be a futile and fatal gesture. 

What we did note was that someone else had been more successful in purloining certain of these artifacts, including purple work poison, scrolls involving resurrection and contacting other planes, and the journals of the Vox Machina themselves. Whoever had managed to steal what was protected so well must have known what they were looking for and how to avoid being disintegrated doing so. 

But our pressing problem was how to get out of the room without activating the fiery glyph of warding again. Torie believed she had noticed a way to do it without activating the ward. She was wrong, and was burned severely on her arm. Large Silent Friend was able to heal her partially, and the rest of us exited the treasure room safely.

Trog insisted on moving forward, and we made our way to a door down the hall. Amaris contacted Professor von Schlezzler on her sending stone, relaying the information we had collected so far, and was told to continue ferreting out the castle. We made our way to the door at the end of the hall and found it to be locked. Plis'kin further discerned through careful scrutiny that any attempt to open the door without the proper key would activate a trap. The ever-sharp Trog postulated the caretaker we found at the gates of the keep might also have keys to the keep, which turned out to be exactly the case. The only slight complication is that he had ALL the keys. Twenty in all. The studious and observant Amaris believed she might be able to find the right key, and quickly decided she knew which one was right for this door.

Trog insisted he be the one to try the key, and as we braced for impact we were relieved to learn she was right. Sort of. The door didn't open, but a Magic Mouth appeared and refused to respond to any of our inquiries, including Bromm's declaration that he was some sort of official official from an official place. Instead we were informed that it was the mouth's duty to alert the Vox Humana that the door had been violated.

We heard a whoosh of wind outside the window, and a Half Elven Druid woman appeared from nowhere, with a walking stick that looked like an upside down umbrella. All residents of Exandria knew this was Keyleth, headmaster of the Air Ashari, and member of Vox Machina. What could she have thought seeing our motley crew inside of her Keep? Informing her that the gatekeeper had been murdered only raised her vexation with us as we became the prime suspects. We tried to explain how and why we came to the Keep to further investigate the series of murders that was happening, but she seemed far more concerned about the other caretaker of Greyskull Keep, Lynn, and increasingly vexed at our very presence in her sacred place.

Keyleth, headmaster of the Air Ashari

Bromm moved to question the druid, but her attention was entirely fixed on finding the other caretaker of Greyskull Keep. We split into two groups, and Keyleth went up the stairs with Bromm and Amaris went up the stairs to the caretaker's quarters, while Trog, Plis'kin, and Large Silent Friend entered the chapel, where all of the gods had alters. Seeing an alter to the Wild Mother surrounded by plants that had been neglected for several days, Large Silent Friend made his offering to the Wild Mother and quickly nursed the plants back to health, learning from them that they had been uncared for in five days, thereby confirming the timeline that had been established by Trog that the murders here had taken place even before the murders in Emon. The perpetrators had come here first. 

Upstairs Keyleth discovers the body of Lynn, treated in the same vulgar manner as the other murder victims,except in her case her eye was missing. The body was laid out in an outline of raven feathers, and a drawer that had been left partially opened had raven feathers strewn before it. 

It was at this inopportune moment that the always diplomatic Bromm made the error of questioning Keyleth about the ritual murders, the missing pages from her journal, and any possibility she may be involved in trying to resurrect her lover, Vax, who had sacrificed himself during the battle against Vecna, eventually being transformed into a revenant. His line of questioning was met by a flying backfist from the typically demure druid, and an admonition that "If you ever disrespect me or the memory of Vax again, I will wear your skin." However, Bromm's impetuous, ill-advised maneuver did get the druid to speak to summon us to the war room where she told us about many matters that shed light on the details of Vax's death, Vecna, and the betrayer Arkhan, the dragonborn betrayer of Vox Machina.

Banlys asked the very logical question why would Greyskull Keep, if it contained such important artifacts, be left to the protection of only two caretakers. Keyleth explained all members of Vox Machina would have been teleported back if anyone had disturbed any of the artifacts, raising more questions about who exactly could have known enough about circumventing the safeguards to enter and exit with certain artifacts without alerting the Vox Machina.

She wistfully related the tragic details of her last days with Vax'ildan, how he made a bargain with the Matron of Ravens that transformed him into a revenant, and how Arkhan had betrayed the Vox Machina to accrue power with the goal of opening the gates of hell and allowing his dark queen, the Scaled Tyrant, to return to this plane.

It was at this time the irascible Trog blurted out that he would like to speak to the hero of all Goliaths, Grog. Keyleth obliged, and Grog appeared. An instant later a huge tankard of ale appeared in Grog's hand. before Trog sat Grog Strongjaw, grand puba of the doink. Trog asked many questions of Grog, mostly about Arkhan and the cult of the Scaled Tyrant. This made Grog somewhat sullen and the sadness and regret showed in his demeanor, but he answered the questions put to him by his fellow Goliath. 

Grog Strongjaw

Bromm then opened up a line of questioning about the details of Vax's transformation into a revenant, and Arkhan's betrayel. The taciturn Goliath conveyed that he never thought Keyleth's attempt to allow Vax to live on was a good idea. Asked what ever became of the hand of Vecna, Grog boasted he cut it up into many pieces, then scattered it across the world, including dropping it into volcanoes, but he also volunteered the intriguing tidbit that Keyleth had requested and been given a piece of the thumb.

Trog then expressed his admiration for his hero and asked if he could have some memento from their meeting. The legendary warrior complied by removing his bracers and tossing them onto the table before Trog.

At this point we had so many possible paths to follow it all seemed overwhelming. Was Arkhan and his cult responsible for these murders in an attempt to summon the Scaled Tyrant? Was someone trying to resurrect Vecna? Was it even possible Keyleth was so grief-stricken by the loss of Vax that she had resorted to dark methods in an attempt to bring her love back? Was there even another shadowy player who was yet to reveal its presence behind all of this mayhem? 

Little remained to be done at the Greyskull Keep, but Amaris wanted to perform one more examination of the second caretaker's body, and doing so discovered stone flecks consistent with the skin of a basilisk. What part did this creature play in this fourth murder, or more accurately, the second murder, but the fourth we had discovered?

Leaving the Keep Keyleth implored us to find the missing pages of her journal, which were about her relationship with Vax, not any dark plot to resurrect her lover, and when we found them were were to not read a word of it.

Plis'skin says he knows a place where we might learn more about how all of these elements come together, and soon we found ourselves at Gilmour's Glorious Goods. Plis'skin now takes the lead and asks the woman behind the counter, a half-elf named Sherri, if anyone has been in recently looking for basilisk poison. She quickly says she must go to the back to inform Sean Gilmour, human sorcerer, and owner of Gilmour's Glorious Goods, that we are asking. Plis'skin tried to follow her to the back, which made her very uncomfortable, and when Sean Gilmour appeared he upbraided Plis'skin about being creepy, then looked into his eyes and said "Oh, you're Yuan-Ti, forget it."

Gilmour's Glorious Goods

When asked about the basilisk poison, Gilmour related the tale of a recent employee he had, named Amnon, who had begun acting suspiciously, snooping through Sean's journals and customer logs, eventually absconding with several valuable magic items, darts, disguises, and basilisk poison. He didn't believe Amnon was a bad fellow, just misguided, or perhaps run amok. But by whom? Bromm at this point excused himself to the washroom, where he discovered a magic hole in which to do whatever business he had intended to do, and Plis'skin and Sean retired to Sean's office, where the details of their discussion remains unknown to the rest of the party.

When the two emerged Plis'skin inquired about a hat of disguise he was enamored with, and was told it cost 500 gp. The party had no way to pay for such an item, so Bromm stepped in and asked if he could run a line of credit in Tiberius the Senator from Singhorn's name. Sean agreed, but said any item not paid for in sixty days would have it's magical powers reversed. At this point Bromm reneged and left the establishment. At this point the wily Plis'skin signed the contract Sean had pulled out, and was the proud owner of a hat of disguise.

As his final nicety, Sean told us he was actually quite a good friend and benefactor of the Vox Machina, and put us on our way to the dock district where he believed Amnon lived, having sent him a turkey as a gift on a recent holiday. The rest of us left Sean's Glorious Gifts and rejoined Bromm. 

Thus ended week two of our Tal' Dorei campaign. With more questions than answers, for sure. 

Review what happened in week one 

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Tal' Dorei Night One Notes From Planescape Tuesdays

Our Tal' Dorei campaign began last night, and none of us knew what to expect as we sat down at the table. I think it's safe to say none of us was expecting a gritty, noir-style murder mystery. Which is what we got.

Taking place some time after the Vox Machina had dispatched the dreaded Chroma Conclave and the bane arch lich Vecna, our campaign begins in an Emon rebuilt partially by the crime syndicate The Clasp, and restored to a thriving city of some 280,000 creatures, mostly human, but with a substantial population of humanoid creatures of all races. A cosmopolitan city with a robust shopping district, government, military, and noble classes, as well as busy docks and slums. The Vox Machina is still with us, but has largely moved on to other pursuits away from Emon, maintaining Greyskull Keep just outside the slums on the Southern side of the city. It is a time ripe for new heroes.  

How we all got to the capital city of Emon is still a little hazy, but the seven of us found ourselves settling in various sections of the city, not knowing each other at all.

My name is Large Silent Friend, at least that's what the creatures of the forest call me, and since I am a Firbolg I have no name but the one I am given by those around me. I was exiled from my tribe as an adolescent when I inadvertently caused the death of a magical creature I wanted to show to my elders. I grew up in the forest guided by the Wild Mother. But recently Ravagers have been encroaching into these sacred lands. And where there is evil, Blood Hunters seem to follow, and that's how I met Banlys the Aarackocra and Trog the Goliath, both Blood Hunters I moved to Emon with last week.

We arrived in Emon on the 11th day of Undular, at the height of the festival, which meant nothing to any of us. We crashed at the meager apartment of  Banlys' and Trog's mentor, Thelius, who was happy to see us, but having two giants and a bird in his small space soon started to try his nerves. We needed to move, but first we needed jobs. Fortunately for us our first opportunity in Emon soon knocked on the door. Literally.

The City of Emon, capital of Tal' Dorei

A former City Guard turned private detective named Spork Fastwhiler knocked on the door and demanded to speak with Thelius. He seemed as if he had just ended up on the losing end of a tussle, and we soon were to learn this was exactly the case. While investigating the strange, ritual murder of a street walker he had been swept up into a mystery that was soon to involve us all. The mystery was soon to entail ritualistic murders, missing hearts,  raven feathers, cults,  necromancers, The Matron of Ravens, the two local crime syndicates The Clasp and the Myriad, and who knows who or what else, but it became clear a chain of events had been set in place that would eventually effect all of Emon, and the entire world itself.

But what part did we play in this Universal imbroglio?

What did Spork already know that he wasn't telling us? What the three of us did know, and we had to take Spork's observations at face value, was that he was contracted by a street walker named Torie to investigate the murder of her friend, named Daisy, in an alley in the dock district near Thelius' apartment. Pouring over the scene, which had already been combed over in a cursory way by a clearly unconcerned City Guard, Spork deduced the grisly murder was actually a much more coordinated and surgical attempt to remove the young girl's heart. And what part did the raven feathers play in the scenario?

His investigation soon led him to the Frozen Sicle tavern where he quickly realized a Clasp member was using a corner table to sell alura root. He learned the Clasp member's name was Dagger, and he was soon to find out why. Following him out of the Frozen Sicle he saw Torie on an adjacent corner, and decided to cross the street and join her to spy on Dagger. Against her admonitions, he followed Dagger to a shabby tenement where the small-time alura dealer was apparently waiting to confront him, drawing both his daggers. But before the two could scuffle a Tiefling named Chastity entered the scene and attacked Spork psychically, causing him to fall to the floor clutching his suddenly aching head. Dagger seized this opportunity to redraw his daggers and "suggest" it might be a good time for the private dick to retreat from the dock district. The bull-headed Spork dug in and was resolute to not accept the recommendation, but Torie convinced him otherwise.

And soon after Spork knocked on Thelius' door. Which is where me, Trog, and Banlys' story begins. However, the story does not start without some bruised feelings, as Spork insulted Trog by referring to him as dumb muscle. I saw my new friend bristle and restrain his rage, being the disciplined creature he is, but I knew the slight would not soon be forgotten.

Spork had questions for Thelius. Questions about necromancers. Questions about the Matron of Ravens. Questions about missing hearts and the Myriad and the Clasp. Being a seasoned Blood Hunter, Thelius knew quite a lot about each topic, but there were aspects of this crime that mystified even him. Further investigation was needed, and Thelius was all too happy to suggest the three of us move into Spork's office for the night pursuant to meeting with a monk of the Cobalt Soul who might know more about the mysterious events that were unfolding. We rested and headed to the Temple District first thing in the morning.

That's where we met Pliz'skin the monk of the Cobalt Soul.

Pliz'skin, Monk of the Cobalt Soul

Was he happy to see us?

Probably not.

Was he hiding something?

Probably.

Steely, cold, and matter of fact, Pliz'skin listened to our story, then was instructed by his master to join us to help solve this mystery. He didn't seem to like us, but he was skilled, confident, and clearly more than capable of handling himself. Our group now included five.

The Druid Large Silent Friend

We were a group set in motion to discover who it was that was seeking dark knowledge.

Dark names and societies dedicated to evil were bandied about. Was it a cult of the Matron of Ravens? Was it the Chain of Oblivion? Adherents of the Scaled Tyrant? Maybe just one solitary madman, albeit a very powerful madman adept in necromancy and ritual. One piece of evidence that could not be overlooked is that the raven feathers had been magically treated so as to not be traced. That was a powerful magic and limited the search to powerful necromancers and certain cults. But it did not limit it to one, and so the search was afoot.

The master of the Cobalt Soul set us on a path to the Alabaster Lyceum. The Alabaster Lyceum is the arcane college and research facility for magical and divine artifacts in the city of Emon.

"The building appears to be built out of white marble, with very high ceilings, stretching up in some areas as high as 80 feet. Much of the building appears to be lit by magical orbs that are either set into the walls or into chandeliers. Some of the rooms have carved pillars depicting battles between devas and demons that spiral up the pillars. The building has guards near the entrances adorned with silver and gold armor wearing elven-like helmets." -from criticalrolewikia 

 So we were off to the Alabaster Lyceum, where adolescent guards refused us entry. We had no written appointment. It was at this time that Trog's anger, still seething from Spork's initial insult. boiled over. He angrily pounded on the force field of the Lyceum and demanded that he be allowed to enter the college of knowledge despite their refusal. The force field held, and we were sent on our unmerry way to seek written permission to enter the arcane college.

Trog Gunga Galunga (Googie) the Goliath Blood Hunter 

Our adventure next took us to the Cloudtop District and the office of the Master Arcanist, Allura Vysoren. A headstrong bureaucrat of the highest order, she also was less than overjoyed to see us. In fact, she was already expecting to meet with the august senator from Syngorn, Tyronius. The only snag is that Tyronius was back in Syngorn with a five day migraine, and had sent his seneschal Bromm to stand in for him. Vysoren was not amused. As the lackey hemmed and hawed, trying to stave off the bureaucrat's rising anger, the conflagration was further complicated by an unannounced investigator's knock on the door. "If this isn't about a murder I have no time for you Vysoren roared," but just as she said those words her sending stone began to glow, and as her eyes rolled back in her head she received the message that the nobleman Kormallis had been murdered in the most grisly and macabre way.

Although Spork's story about the murdered street walker fell on deaf ears, the new revelation that a nobleman had been murdered in a similar manner sparked the overly officious officials' interest, and Bromm was charged with the task of escorting us to the crime scene to investigate and report back the new details of what had now become an official case. We were to meet the detective Marcolas and stay out of her hair while simultaneously doing our own inspection of the crime scene.

This time it wasn't the opulent gentleman's heart that was missing, it was his liver. However, the modus operandi was exactly the same: an expert break-in and entry followed by a grisly mauling and disfiguring of the body, excepting the part of the body that was to be surgically removed, which miraculously remained pristine. Raven feathers had been pressed into the carefully scattered parts and were found under the fingernails. It was a scene that seemed carefully orchestrated to make it appear as if the Matron of ravens was involved. 

Was she? Did someone just want us to think so to throw us off the track?

Spork and Bromm and Pliz'skin culled over the scene of the crime while the rest of us waited outside. They questioned Kormallis' servants, an aged husband and wife, gleaning whatever clues they could from them. On a whim Large Silent Friend decided to talk to the hedge maze and see if the shrubbery had noticed anything unusual the previous night. To his surprise, they did, and told him of two creatures with skin the color of nightfall who had entered through the east door and exited through the west. They asked if they would ever see their beloved master again and were told by LSF that he had passed into the next realm. The Bloodhunter Trog recognized their description of the infernal looking creatures as Tieflings, and the session concluded with us wondering if all of this was related to the Tiefling Chastity who had sent Spork to the floor clutching his head the previous evening.

The session ended with all six of us wondering where this mystery would take us. And what exactly had the Bloodhunter Banlys observed? I am sure there are now six different versions of reality that we must piece together in an effort to work together as a cohesive team to solve this mystery and defend our new home against whatever sinister and dark forces are at work here. 

Dramatis Personae

1) Large Silent Friend: Firbolg Druid

2) Banlys: Aarakocra Blood Hunter

3) Trog Gunga Galunga (Googie): Goliath Blood Hunter

4) Bromm: Human Fighter

5) Spork Fastwhiler: Human Ranger

6) Pliz'skin: Monk 

7) Tyronius: Half-Elf Warlock

8) Travis Legge. Dungeon Master 

9) ?????

Playing Dungeons and Dragons During the Satanic Panic

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You're Always Playing Planescape Whether You Know It or Not

Our Planescape Tuesdays campaign that started in Dragonlance and ended up with the Great Wheel turning and wiping the entire multiverse out of existence concluded this Tuesday. Well, to be truthful, the campaign began almost two years ago with a cast of characters that didn't even include many of the people who were in the room Tuesday night, and only three of the characters, Rowan, Dench, and Kerfuffle, but nonetheless as the great light overtook us and the Great Wheel turned, eight of us were playing the fifteen characters remaining in our campaign. My two characters were the High Elf Bloodrut Silverthistle and the human Elritch Knight Perterberator.

Bloodrut Silverthistle

This campaign actually began half a year ago confined to the world of Krynn, but soon spiraled out of control and careened towards the Planescape campaign we though had concluded prior to starting Dragonlance. My character, Bloodrut Silverthistle, is a High Elf wizard who dreamed that there were other worlds out there somewhere. Turns out there were, and as soon as the mists of Boravia rolled in and the spider queen Lolth made her presence known, Bloodrut's only goal was to somehow get out of Krynn. 

I'll tell that story later, at least what I remember, but what was so memorable about Tuesday night's finale is when we got to the DM's house he had a plastic hex stage laid out on the table and a box full of plastic miniatures at the ready. Being the final showdown of a two year campaign we knew we were in for a battle royale that included at the very least our mortal enemies Lolth and Acererak, but soon expanded to include Orcus and the Gnoll god Yeenoghu. 

Aramus Perterberator

I'd had a couple of weeks to strategize for this battle as we played one offs until we could get everyone in the same room, and the strategy that seemed to make the most sense, and ultimately worked, was to attack Lolth with my Great Weapons Master bonus, then use Arcane Charge as a bonus action to teleport away, also casting Ottilukes Resilient Sphere with Action Surge (I'm 20th level). Bloodrut's strategy was to prepare for inevitably being reduced to zero hit points, which she did by casting a Contingency spell that would activate a Blink spell if she were reduced to zero hit points, which eventually happened, sending her to the Ethereal Plane. Since she had a Ring of Healing she was restored to at least one hit point and would still be there floating around if the entire Universe hadn't ended only moments later. 

Even though her plan was to hang back and play a support role, perhaps buff others up and even throw in a damaging spell if possible, Bloodrut got to steal the show for a moment when she thrust herself into the middle of the action and decided to go for broke and cast a Disintegrate spell against Lolth, who had been taking oceans of damage from our fighters. What Bloodrut did not plan for is that Lolth would roll a critical fail, thus not making her saving throw at all AND doubling the damage, which turned out to be a mammoth 164 points. 

As is our tradition, our DM asked me how I wanted it to go and I said "So long, Arachnerd." Lolth slowly melted into a pile of component spiders, then was gone from our Planescape world.... forever.

However the battle was not over. Orcus and Yeenoghu remained, but were soon to be rejoined by Perterberator and Patsy the Minotaur's nemesis... Acererak.

Patsy Tightbreeze. The Minotaur.

With that blood-curdling cackle he had become famous to our party for in our skirmishes at The Tomb of Horrors, White Plume Mountain, and seemingly everywhere else we ever traveled, the legendary lich was called back by the demon prince Orcus for one last go-around. No matter how many times we thought we had killed Acererak, made a deal with Graz'zt to trap him in sphere of annihilation on a desolate demi-plane forever, or just plane blasted him off the battlefield as we had only moments before, the son-of-a-bitch always returned. 

And every damn time he was cocksure that he was going to show us a beating like we'd never imagined.

I don't think the group has ever had a better time. The Old Grand-Dad was flowing, and nothing our DM threw at us could stop us. The gnome Gnixon had a wish gun he fired after a couple of rounds of sustaining damage and restored us to full hit points and spell slots. From that point, no one, not even the gods and demon lords stood a chance against us. 

As the battle wound down the light overtook us and the Great Wheel spun. The world we had known was no more, but the new Bard of Ormin, our very own party member Argar Da'argagaar was allowed one final act, and he chose to teleport us all to the False City of  Ormin to live out our lives in the new world. 



Both Bloodrut and Perterberator had mixed feelings about never being able to leave Ormin and join the eternal battle again, but the world on Krynn that Bloodrut wanted to change no longer existed, anyway, and as for Perterberator, he holds out hope that never really never means never and he'll find a way to slip free from the peaceful prison of Ormin and re-establish The Hall of Bad Dudes and travel the planes righting wrongs and spreading freedom and enlightenment for all. 

With a face like this there's no way Aargar can walk the straight and narrow forever. Aargar and Perterberator will be out there again someday soon doing what they do best: cause problems, then solve them. 

As for our group: we're on to Tal' Dorei. 

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Planescape Tuesdays: Argar Da'argagaar and Aramus Perterberator Destroy the World, Then Save It, Then Destroy It Again

Dragonborn sorcerer (and con man) Argar Da'argagaar and his thick friend Aramus Perterberator, a blaqueguard fighter, burst from the Stygian darkness of the Underdark like spring hares running from the hounds of hell, having very recently done their very favorite thing: cheating a rich and powerful tyrant out of his riches. Only this time, like many other times, something went slightly wrong with the plan. The ancestral relic warhammer they were hired to retrieve for a Dwarven king was discovered to be a fake. And once again, the chase was on.

Emerging from the Underdark into the almost crueler light of their beloved home of Faerun, the two career five-and-dimers quickly slipped into one of their tried-and-true escape routines, disguising themselves as a Phlan city guard and his draconian prisoner. Little could they even envision in their wildest schemes that it would not even be possible to hide from the frenzied knot of labyrinthine events that would sweep them up like helpless capybara in the iron talons of a Manticore.

Pursued by enraged dwarves, Aarg and Peterberator concluded it would be best to put as much distance between them and their latest boondoggle as possible, and a shadowy, slinking figure at the edge of the forest offered them the opportunity to do just that. "My name is Girtith" said the Deep Gnome, who was blind. It seemed he had appeared from nowhere, but after a volley of small talk it was established that he, too, was in a mood to be anywhere but here, and knew of a way to escape.

After a  few hours of trudging through the dense and brackish Gnotwood Forest, the choking brambles gave way to a clearing where the new band of allies saw a whimsical, yet welcome sight: a tall, gray tower festooned with what looked like a wizards hat on top. 

Oddly enough (perhaps not so oddly in retrospect) the Deep Gnome knew of a secret entrance, and guided Aargar and Peterberator to a friend he knew who may just be able to help them with their being chased by angry dwarves dilemma. So it was decided they would meet the mad genius who inhabited the top floor of the tower. It was decidedly not decided that when they met the Cloud Giant who inhabited the tower that the entire structure would start to rumble and launch itself into space moments later. So much for proper introductions. 

It also was not expected, gauging from the Storm Giant's shocked reaction, that the tower would be boarded by Phyrexian space pirates only moments into the "Hello, who the hell are you and why are you on my spaceship tower thingy?" conversation that was just starting to get good. 

Madness ensued. 

The Cloud Giant was more than capable of fending off the pirates, but what he couldn't have accounted for was the unquieting effect the combination of Argar Da'argagaar and Perterberator can have on otherwise merely out of control circumstances. It's possible the goodly, but slightly whacky giant may have had a sphere of annihilation in his possession, and it's also possible that sphere of annihilation may have been mesmerizing to one Argar Da'argagaar, and although details are sketchy, a Mage Hand may have appeared from "somewhere" and made an attempt to grab the sphere, thereby creating a chain of events that culminated with the Cloud Giant being swallowed by his own Sphere of Annihilation and the walls of the tower exploding, and Argar Da'argagaar and Perterberator being ejected into the Astral Plane. Allegedly.

It was while floating aimlessly through the Astral Plane that Argar Da'argagaar and Aramus Pertberator met the band of fellow reprobate loonies that would simultaneously become their thickest friends and oft times their greatest enemies. 

Managing to grab hold of a cylandrical platform in the midst of the ether, Argar Da'argagaar and Perterberator were immediately attacked by a Ranger named Dench and a winged Kobold named Podo. Perterberator managed to secure Argar Da'argagaar's release in exchange for breaking the choke hold he had on the winged Kobold. And that is how Argar Da'argagaar and Perterberator met the party of characters with whom they would subsequently destroy the very fabric of the Multiverse, then reshape it into something even better.

After some ruffled feathers and puffing of chests, moderating voices like the Mystic Borana and the Bard Rowan managed to keep Argar Da'argagaar and Perterberator from killing their new friends who had attacked them first with no provocation, but there wasn't much time for peeing for distance because even in the Astral Plane you're never really alone, as an airship drew closer the party saw the ever-serious face of Gith herself, would-be liberator of her people from the Mind Flayers, twisted into a mask of determination. 

Being trapped on the Astral Plane with no way to return to anywhere that seemed familiar, the party agreed to help free Gith's people from an Illithid slave encampment where their minds were slowly being drained by the parasitic Mind Flayers. 

Mind Flayer

But first Gith managed to open the floating obelisk the party had previously been clinging to to reveal a horde of treasure that made Argar Da'argagaar's eyes spin. In an act of foolish generosity Dench played quartermaster for the party and doled out some legendary magical items, including a Rod of Lordly Might, which went to Kerfuffle the Orc barbarian, a Staff of the Magi, which Argar Da'argagaar gladly accepted, and Plate Mail +2 and  Defender longsword which made Perterberator nearly unassailable by non-magical means. Had the party amassed this historic cache of legendary items previously? The answer was hardly relevant to Arg and Perterberator at this point. It was time to kick some Mind Flayer butts (minds?) and free some slaves. 

With the Halfling Rogue Chinaski taint stabbing everything in sight, the party managed to hack and slash its way through the living, vegetative vessel of the Illithids, and reach the pool where a powerful Mind Flayer lich was waiting to make a smorgasboard out of the soft and tasty minds of our party. 

He did not succeed. Through a combination of psionic attacks, a volley of arrows, and a near-fatal Barbarian charge from Kerfuffle, the lich was dispatched, and the gith slaves' minds were freed into the Astral Plane. Unfortunately, the portal of the ship opened up, and the party was also "freed" into the Astral Plane. 

Exactly how we found ourselves sucked out of the Astral Plane and into Barovia we may never know, but looking back the Dark Powers may even have been involved, but there we were, barely sure of each other's names. We wandered the blighted landscape of Barovia, undisturbed, although feeling constantly under observation, until we found a Vistani encampment. There the Bard Rowan, under the influence of a Vistani tea, was able to spy into the shadowy past of Argar Da'argagaar and Perterberator, and made aware of some of their more dubious decisions, was bribed into not revealing these past, youthful discretions to the rest of the party by being given permission to use their past skullduggery in a legendary song.

Many plans were discussed at that campfire, knowing eventually it was inevitable Strahd would beckon us to his castle and most likely end our lives as we knew them. To complicate matters exponentially, the Ranger Dench had been possessed by the brother of Strahd after destroying the Book of Vile Darkness, and was reticent to discuss any plan that involved doing away with Strahd at all. Angers flared, threats were issued, and no plan of action could be agreed upon by the majority.

One thing everyone did agree upon, however, was that it would be a grand idea to summon the wizard Mordenkainen with a tuft of his beard that had been obtained by the party in a previous encounter with the thaumaturgist. Mordenkainen, we surmised, hated Strahd more than any other living creature, and would be more than happy to aid us in keeping the balance by defeating him. We guessed wrong. Mordenkainen arrived angry as a minotaur with a bee in its bonnet, and began casting a spell immediately. Perterberator had no inclination to see the results of the high wizard's utterations, and put him in a sleeper hold. Upon awaking the wizard was slightly more amenable to small talk.

It was then the adventurers learned Strahd was finally to marry Tatyana, and in an act of generosity we were all invited. Mordenkainen included. Many in the party were willing to celebrate along with the Strahds and move on, but Argar Da'argagaar and Perterberator had more noble ambitions. Ambitions they shared with the wizard Mordenkainen in an emergency strategy session that lasted long into the night. 

Strahd von Zarovich

The plan unfolded with the normal precision Argar Da'argagaar and Perterberator were known for, and had the same devastating consequences that always seem to issue forth from doing the right thing in a deft and noble manner.

The feast was magnificent. The ceremony began in the morning and went off without a hitch. Strahd von Zarovich, the vampire tormentor of the Barovian people, plaything of the Dark Powers, and all-around douchenozzle, had finally been re-united with his love and all his hopes and aspirations of ruling Barovia as a mortal man were being realized.

Alas, there's the rub. Strahd von Zarovich was now a mortal man. And as all mortal men are, he had this tendency to die when overwhelmed with physical damage, or beheaded by an Eldritch Knight named Aramus Perterberator. 

Mordenkainen, Argar Da'argagaar, and Perterberator were pleased with the results of their secret plan, but others who had not been consulted, were less so. Among those less pleased happened to be Dench von Zarovich, who shot Perterberator with his Oath Bow, failing to kill him, and other party members who gave fine and ineffective lectures about regime change and why inaction is a perfectly noble and reasonable choice in almost all circumstances. But one other entity was displeased. The demon lord Graz'zt. The skies turned black and peals of thunder rang out as the debonair but deadly demon prince descended to the roof of Ravenloft Castle.

Melee ensued. Perhaps, and I use this word knowing its proper context and scope, epic melee. Strahd was there. Mordenkainen was there. Graz'zt was there. And Argar Da'argagaar and Aramus Perterberator were there. That morning at Ravenloft Castle. Others were also there, but were they?

Graz'zt was finally subdued, and driven to the edge of defeat by a barrage of powerful spells, psychic attacks, and brute force. It is possible even Dench von Zarovich stopped attacking teammates long enough to sink an arrow into the demon lord. Clearly surprised at the pluck and determination of his adversaries, the demon lord grabbed the head of Strahd and vanished.

The people of Barovia were free. At least as free as the people of Barovia can ever be. But Argar Da'argagaar and Perterberator had made numerous and powerful enemies in their short time as players in the Multiverse.

Argar Da'argagaar is a trickster. He's a con man. And he's a charlatan. He hates authority and  has an overwhelming compulsion to steal from the wealthy and powerful. Aside from all that, swell Dragonborn. Solid dude. Heart in the right place even when he's engaged in a swindle. And the swindle he came up with next may be the greatest in all known lore. 

Dench von Zarovich could not get over the death of his brother Strahd. No peace within the party was possible unless something was done, but how could any character of good conscience stand by while Dench resurrected one of the most evil villains in the Multiverse. Argar Da'argagaar hatched a plan. A canard. One that would both set the Multiverse on its ear and eventually save it. 

Graz'zt

As bold as a bucket, Argar Da'argagaar summoned Graz'zt, and as game recognized game, they concocted a scheme the demon lords themselves would be proud of. Graz'zt was to create an ersatz copy of the head of Strahd to placate Dench in his efforts to resurrect his vile brother. When he reuinited the head with the body the resurrection would fail, but he would believe it failed because it was never possible, not because he had been duped. Meanwhile, Strahd's soul would be relegated to the void, forever in the possession of the demilich Acererak. Once again, the plot succeeded magnificently, then failed miserably. And worst of all, in exchange for his favors Graz'zt had received in return the means to enter the citadel city of Sigil. 

On our way to the meeting where Graz'zt would seemingly reluctantly return the head of Strahd to Dench, we had a marvelously entertaining battle Against the Giants, where they launched huge ice balls first at our doomed cart, then at us with huge hockey sticks. With his newly obtained Fireball, Argar Da'argagaar and the party took out the giants, then cleared the slaver's stockade they were running. We made it to the city of the Drow at the appointed time, and as agreed Graz'zt huffed and puffed, then launched the head at Dench.

Against the Giants

Strahd's head secured, Dench immediately returned to Barovia to resurrect the evil fiend. As planned, the resurrection failed, but Dench was palliated in believing he had done all he could do. 

It was at this time we learned than the demon lords Demogorgon and Orcus had entered the prime material plane, and if not stopped would eventually gain power over the city of Sigil and many other planes of existence. On our way to seek out Demogorgon we happened upon a village of Kuo Toa and Chain Devils engaged in a ceremony to call forth some beast from the seas by offering it a large net full of humanoid creatures of all kinds. Naturally we felt obligated to free the woeful creatures being used as fishbait and stop whatever fiendish summoning was going down. Having done so we discovered to our horror a huge beast who was emerging from the depths was actually...

Demogorgon.

Demogorgon

Our Tiefling rogue remembered he had a wish left to be used and wished that Demogorgon would be defeated. Which he was. By Tiamat! who also emerged from the depths, dispatching Demogorgon with ease, then turning her attention to us.

Correctly assessing we had no chance of surviving a fight with Tiamat our charlatan Sorcerer Argar did what he always does... tried to trick the devil. But in this case he did have one piece of information Tiamat found worthy of sparing our lives for. Graz'zt was in Sigil, and unless stopped would soon take over the City of Doors and become the most powerful creature in the multiverse. Tiamat agreed to spare us in exchange for being banished to Sigil.

What seemed like only moments later to us, The Lady of Pain was cast to the ground in front of us in her humanoid form, looking defeated. She cursed us for having sent both Graz'zt and Tiamat to Sigil, where all Hell had broken out and she had been stripped of her powers. Sigil was defenseless.

Unless.

Unless a Dragonlance could be procured there was no reasonable hope of defeating Tiamat and saving the Multiverse. Legend had it there was one place where a Dragonlance could be found.

The Tomb of Horrors! We agreed we would seek out the Tomb of Horrors, and brave the mythical dungeon of certain death and its bloodthirsty master, Acererak, but on one condition. If we succeeded we all would become Factols of our own Faction on Sigil. In no position to bargain, the Lady of Pain agreed to our terms, and we set off for the Tomb of Horrors.

But nothing is ever that easy, and on our journey to the Tomb of Horrors we stumbled, quite literally into 

White Plume Mountain

where no less than three party members were swallowed by purple worms. With time being of the essence we shook this small setback off and headed to the Tomb of Horrors.

Knowing the reputation the Tomb had for making even the most seasoned adventurers disappear forever, we set out with extreme caution. After much searching we finally found the entrance to the Tomb, and began the often frustrating, always engaging process of finding the secret hiding place of the demilich Acererak and the Dragonlance we so desperately needed to have any chance of defeating Tiamat. After what seemed like months of wrong turns, elaborate traps set specifically with our demise in mind at every step, and a madman's riddle ringing in our heads, we finally found Acererak's lair. And defeated him easily.

Tomb of Horrors

Too easily.

With the chamber of Acererak collapsing around us, we decided to return to the trecherous halls of the tomb and seek the real Acererak. After encountering countless traps, vats of acid, killer tapestries, seemingly unsolvable riddles, and shape-shifting hallways, we finally acquired the keys necessary to enter Acererak's real lair. Inserting and turning the keys in the right sequence, we found ourselves face to face with the legendary lich, whose philactery rose above us in the form of giant, amorphous fetus. After several rounds of combat Acererak was actually gaining strength, and using his legendary actions and powerful spells to reduce the party to a critical state, so Perterberator used a wish he had gained from a Djinn in an urn he had opened to help us dispose of Acererak by any means necessary. The Djinn folded the lich in his arms and imploded, sending Acererak to another plane. We gathered the Dragonlance we had come for and found our way out of the Tomb of Horrors. 

Once again we encountered the Lady of Pain. Seeing we had the Dragonlance she once again implored us to return to Sigil and stop the chaos. Peterberator thought we should be rewarded for volunteering for a mission that would mean certain death, and since the Lady of Pain was in no position to bargain she promised to make us all Factol leaders of Sigil if we succeeded. We agreed and a portal was opened to Sigil.

But before we could even enter the portal a quizzical creature appeared before us in a puff of smoke. He looked a little bit like this.

Dungeon Master

The odd little creature explained to us that as well as saving the Multiverse he was charging us with one small additional task: there was a group of young adventurers who had strayed from their home and become embroiled in a series of mishhaps on their ongoing quest to return to their home. They would travel with us to Sigil, and if we defeated the evil that had gathered there, we would use the City of Doors to return them to their home. 

Dungeons and Dragons Cartoon

Tiamat

We returned to a Sigil blasted by warfare between several superpowers, including Tiamat, Demogorgon, and Phrexians. Realizing we had no hope of squaring off against any of these three foes, our Mystic proposed a bold plan: he would use his powers of mind control to bond with the Phyrexian leader, and use that dread creature's power to wield the Dragonlance against Tiamat. His ploy was succesful, and the rampaging monstrosity plunged the Dragonlance flush into Tiamat's chest, sending the five-headed abomination back to the Abyss. The Phyrexians were disbanded at our Mystic's bidding and left Sigil of their own accord. In this ingenious manner all three warring interlopers were dispatched from Sigil, but the city was left decimated. 

The Lady of Pain, restored to power, was true to her word, and several of the heroes of the War of Sigil were made Factols. Aargar named his faction the Aargardians, and his headquarters was established at Club Gynospynx. Aramus Perterberator established the Hall of Bad Dudes, with the purpose of restoring Sigil to her full glory and spreading freedom and enlightenment to all corners of the Multiverse. 

We bid farewell to the valiant band of adventurers the Dungeon Master had placed in our care, and as they stepped through the door to some small, inconsequential planet named Earth, we knew this one final act was perhaps the thing we had screwed up the least.

And that is how our Planescape Tuesdays 5e campaign ended. Or so we thought...

It was six months of bliss for me, having had all the Dungeons and Dragons books as a teenager, but never really getting to play. Our Planescape night is now on a different campaign that involves Krynn, but as it often happens, worlds are colliding, and our Dragonlance characters will apparently soon find themselves in Sigil soon.

You can support (or even borrow) my Dungeon Master, Travis Legge by buying his own adventures contained in The Catalog of Calamity or even play with him online at his Patreon page he's running an Eberron campaign right now I play tested and enjoyed very much. I think there are still spots to play online on Friday mornings. 


Satanic Panic, Stranger Things, and Dungeons and Dragons In the 1980's

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