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| Back in 1978 Dr. Millard Rausch was a second year professor at Penn, just trying to perfect his syllabus when the Zombie Outbreak of 1978 changed everything. Being one of the world's foremost experts on Xenobiology, Dr. Rausch was made an offer he could not refuse by the military to become a government spokesperson on zombie awareness. It was in the green room at WGON studios in Pittsburgh that he wrote this poem. |
Dumb Questions
In every zombie movie
From Zombie Lake to
Children Shouldn’t Play
With Dead Things,
The living wonder
What motivates the undead
To clamor for human flesh,
As if the undead are method
Actors in a bad Fellini movie.
In one movie a coroner
Asks the torso
Of a bound zombie woman
Why she lusts for brains.
Seems like a stupid question
To ask someone
Who wanted to eat your brains.
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| Meanwhile, things had gone from bad to worse back at the WGON studio, and Dr. Rausch had just called 200 million Americans dummies. Americans are dummies, but they really don't like to be called dummies, so after the show Dr. Rausch found himself surrounded by a nation of angry dummies who were armed for a zombie Apocalypse. Second choice of enemies: Dr. Millard Rausch. Fortunately, the good doctor had prepared for just such an occasion, and repaired to Zombie Logic Ranch in Vermont where he wrote Outsider Poetry for the next decade, including this ditty... |
True Romance
In the movie
A zombie impaled
Through the throat
By a five iron gurgles
“Must blend,
Must pass for human,”
To a woman he loves
Too much to devour
Until a shovel separates
His head into two neat
Hemispheres pretty much
Ending his dream.
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| Dr. Millard Rausch explaining zombie tribal behavior to dumb Americans in 1978 |
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