Cross Out God For the Holidays

If you hate god as much as I do, there's only one remedy. Destroy him. Blot him out. Abolish him. Since god already doesn't exist you may be asking me how, how Thomas, can I destroy something that doesn't exist. 

Good question. But god does exist I assert. God exists in the thoughts of others. And there's also one other place god exists despite the protestations of almost every sane and rational being on the planet... United States currency. Despite the phantom gods quite explicit admonitions (anyone remember these classics?) "For the love of money is the root of all evil," "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a wealthy man to enter into heaven," "One cannot serve god AND Mammon," most Christians love money more than the baby Jesus himself. Or at least anyone paying attention to the sermonations of Joel Osteen and other prosperity preachers would be led to believe.

So, there's only one thing sane people who don't believe in fake sky bullies can do. Cross god out. Every time you receive a Federal Reserve note, simply cross out the word "god" with whatever instrument comes to hand. Maybe even a wad of chewing gum. I'll leave that up to you. 

You'll find the word on all denominations, in roughly the same place, so won't you please join me, and the rest of rational humanity, in kicking off the Cross Out God campaign this Christ-time season? 

Cross Out God this holiday season.


Best atheist Christmas card ever

Pin It

Atheist Christmas Cards Presents: The Hills Are Alive With the Smell of Woolite

Forget the Nazis, the Christians are here. 

Forget the Nazis, the Christians are here.

Pin It

NBC To Re-Air Christmas Special Originally Banned in 1977, Followed by New Sequel

When NBC banned the 1977 Christmas special Squintbiscuits and Whopguzzler Meet the Wee Christ-time Buddies, creator Trumbo Schotz took it hard. Devastated that the audience had mis-interpreted his genuine love for Christmas, and Christianity in general, for depraved, godless paganism, Schotz began drinking. He drank a lot. He drank through the 80's. After a short-lived stint as a writer for the St. Elsewhere spinoff St. Somewherelsealtogether, Schotz resumed his drinking. Then twenty years went by and almost nothing funny happened, until one day Schotz received a phone call from NBC executive Brownstone Tartcoffee telling him NBC intended to re-release the original Squintbiscuits and Whopguzzler on VHS with most of the original colors, and was even going to broadcast the original on Thursday night. But the news that finally made Schotz put down the bottle was that NBC wanted a sequel to Squintbiscuits and Whopguzzler. Schotz began working immediately, and now NBC is pleased to announce that this Friday they will broadcast the sequel to Squintbiscuits and Whopguzzler Meet the Wee Christ-time Buddies, Squintbiscuits and Whopguzzler Resurrect the Wee Christ-time Buddies, followed by the new smash series, Rape Safari. 

Squintbiscuits and Whopguzzler summon Jesus. No, not that Jesus. Merriment ensues in the kid-friendly Christmas special Squintbiscuits and Whopguzzler Resurrect the Wee Christ-time Buddies

Pin It

Family Eats Youngest Child In Startling Christmas Card Photo Session Tragedy

It was not the first time Armanita and Qolon Djortpeener ignored the protestations of their daughters Djeggins and Pansy that they were hungry, but after the unspeakable tragedy that befell them following the family's Christmas card shoot earlier this week, it will almost certainly be the last. The daughters, who one neighbor described later as "demon possessed psychopaths with a taste for carrion," who had become increasingly ravenous due to an obscure Christian ritual that commands parents not to feed female children until a suitable male child can be conceived, began eating their infant brother, Lickspittle, who many considered to have shown all the Biblical sign of being the Second Coming. First responders were unable to revive the Messiah due to the fact that he had been completely consumed by his sisters by the time they arrived. The photographer, Goatwhale Plimk, told Shoot First magazine in an interview "It's a shame. I mean, a real shame. You don't get that many chances to shoot the Second Coming, and by the time I could get any good shots he had been eaten." 

Should female children be allowed to live? And if so, should we even bother to feed them? Maybe if we did the Messiah would be alive today.

More scenes from The War On Christmas

Seven year old impaled by falling Christmas ornament

Forget the Kardashians, this is the most outrageous Christmas card ever

Relive the Christmas special so scandalous, it was banned by NBC

Who are The Muntpluckers, and why are they doing this?

Pin It

Seven Year Old Impaled By Falling St. Michael Ornament First Known Casuality In The War On Christmas

The war on Christmas has turned deadly this year, as Li'l Daredevil Turdpony has become the first confirmed casualty in the eternal skirmish after being impaled by the sword of a falling St. Michael tree ornament.

Losing their son Li'l Daredevil to the War on Christmas has done nothing but intensify the faith of the Turdpony family.


See a Christmas special so scandalous, NBC banned it in 1977

Merry Christmas from the Sewerpunch family

The Muntpluckers

Pin It

Who Remembers the Christmas Special Squintbiscuits and Whopguzzler Meet The Wee Christ-Time Buddies?

The war on Christmas has never been this much fun!!

Squintbiscuits and Whopguzzler Meet the Wee Christ-Time Buddies was a Christmas special that aired on NBC in 1977. Many cite this special as the first shot fired in The War on Christmas. 


More from The War On Christmas

Pin It

Happy Christ-time From the Sewerpunch Family

Happy Christ-time from the Sewerpunch family 


The Muntplucker Family Christmas Special

More from the mind of Tim Stotz

Pin It

Happy Christ-time From the Muntpluckers

The first of what we hope will be many Christmas card designs from Tim Stotz

Pin It