The Hodags and Grammys Say You've Reached Top End

On the eve of Father's Day I wonder if I should call my dad and tell him I wrote another book, and it's on the walls of a museum.

Nah. I'm good. 

As for my guys, everyone got in a motor home this afternoon and headed to Rhinelander, Wisconsin, home of the Hodag. 

I couldn't go for health reasons. The reason being I hate to sleep on the ground.

I got a copy of the Dungeons and Dragon 5th Edition Player's Handbook today, and I've been invited to join a D and D group, so I might read it over the next few days.

I also have a bag of the fun size Baby Ruth bars a twelve pack of Tab Cola. None of that is a good idea, but my good ideas don't seem to go anywhere, either, so maybe a few bad ideas are what is in order. 

Hope it storms like hell tonight, but not up in Rhinelander. Also, I hope the Hodags aren't out.

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Hodag

The Hodag is a monster native to and exclusively sighted in Northern Wisconsin, specifically in the city of Rhinelander, where they have the most financial investment in perpetuating the folklore of the strange, fearsome beast. The first Hodag was not only spotted, but actually captured by a local posse spurred on by notorious flim flam man Eugene Shepard. The monster was photographed that day in 1893.

But as any hoaxster who has created a religion out of whole cloth can tell you, sometimes people take you seriously even when you're selling them a shit sandwich, which the local media did, running this story as if it was a legitimate cryptozoological find. Not to let a good lie go uncapitalized upon, Shepard claimed in 1896 to have captured another Hodag, this time a living specimen, and was of course all too willing to display it on the carnival circuit. The exhibit was a good success, until The Smithsonian Institute dispatched a team of scientists to verify the claim, at which time Shepard admitted the hoax. But Christians, Buddhists, Muslims, Mormons, and Scientologists can tell you none of that matters, because once a lie starts turning a profit no amount of truth can extinguish it.

Now, the black Hodag is the most nasty of the Hodag variations

This specimen is about six feet long and three feet at the shoulder. Its primary attack is a gore or a spike with its tail, but some Hodags have been known to resort to using tasers and some have been rumored to possess a noxious breath weapon (save at -2 or be dumbfounded for three rounds). 

This is the extremely rare Stuffed Animal Cave Hodag. Its primary means of attack is to siphon about twenty dollars out of your pocket, maybe more if you hit the gift shop.

Not much more is known about this downright nasty cryptid. On occasion you'll see one outside of a lodge after a few Leinenkugel Fake-Ass Mythical Beast brews sort of feigning a benevolent grin, but I can assure you it's all a clever ruse designed to get you to buy a T shirt.

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