Some years ago I decided I wanted to paint for a while. Many of my friends are visual artists, and no one reads poetry. So I bought some canvases and acrylic paints at the art supply store, and I sat there trying to decide what it was I was even capable of painting. I settled on coming up with a series of Popsicles. The worst, most revolting flavors I could think of, then I tried to create colors that would represent those terrible fluids. I eventually painted 8 different canvases, and called the Poopsicles. I'm not going to put the original titles on those here because most of them were too disgusting for a mixed audience. I can probably get away with saying this first one was originally titled "Tim Russert's Thrombosis," and I thought that was pretty funny, until I had emergency heart surgery and now deal with the very real everyday threat of internal bleeding or blood clots.
1) Tim Russert's Thrombosis
2) John Holmes
There was more to the title of this Poopsicle, but I'm not going to say it here . |
3) Jenna Jameson
The title of this was what Jenna Jameson did in an audition before she became famous. |
4) The Turd That Killed Elvis
Elvis died on the throne. |
5) Vic Tayback's Toe Jam
6) Oprah Winfrey's Vajayjay
I spent the most time on this one, pushing around small piles of acrylic paint to create the walls and folds of a woman's vagina. Charts and graphs were consulted. I took this seriously. |
7) Garbage Dumpster Juice
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